I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
