How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
