I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
