you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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