so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
