I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
