my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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