Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize