I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
