You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
