I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
