New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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