she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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