I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize