Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
