I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize