I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
