All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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