That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
