My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
