i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
