Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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