Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
