Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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