Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
