i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
