did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
