Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I CAN MOONWALK!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i believe in u and ur pee
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
