Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
