party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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