I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
