I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
