so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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