He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
