he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
