dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
