Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
