Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
