Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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