Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
