so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
