Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's blow job season.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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