i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
