"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
