census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
