The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
