after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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