I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
