Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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