dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I want her autograph on my taint
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
