Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
