Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
