Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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