She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
