how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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