You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
