You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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