Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
please don't ironically join a cult
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