summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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