Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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