Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
