I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
