playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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