It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
