Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize