that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
