I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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