It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
