I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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