I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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