i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dicks are not precious.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
