you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
