My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize