dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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