I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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