halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
