I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
