I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize