I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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