just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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