you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize