Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
