Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
