Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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