its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
