Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize