that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
