In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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