____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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