Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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