If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
