so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
